I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
