I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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