I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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