omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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