Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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