i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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