so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
