return my video game
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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