He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
