if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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