I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
