If i come over, it means nothing
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They took my balls.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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