Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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