you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
