just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
