When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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