Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
