i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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