Don't you send me to vm
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
