the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The power of my boobs compel you
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
