The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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