My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
whose parrot is this?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
