your room smells of hookers.
And success
from now on my penis is your penis
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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