I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
there is glitter all over my balls
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
