the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
