Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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