i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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