george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
