Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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