i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
