So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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