She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
