I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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