evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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