Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
