I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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