p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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