Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
