His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
