My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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