Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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