apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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