My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize