i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
