She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
