Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
