: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
