We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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