He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
