dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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