Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
