He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
