I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
