Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
