at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
