your thong is hanging out like whoa
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
