I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
