Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize