Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
