I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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