I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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