She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
