you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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