so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
