You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
