happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
