i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
