Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
