I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
do nipples grow back?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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