i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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