My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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