She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize