It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
