If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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