We're like a lot better than the average bears
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize