my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
