You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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