he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
