she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
