counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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