True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
