Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
