my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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