Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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