dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
