bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you would pick up someone in the library
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
