Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
