Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
