Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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