Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
