Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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