Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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