I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
