had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
