She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
