i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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