I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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