The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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