This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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