Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize