How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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