My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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