I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
