Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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